Blog Moved

My new blog can be found at:

http://www.melaniehack.com/blog

Thank you
Melanie

Taking Action During a Fire

Recently a fire raged within the community I live in, and it was nerve wracking. I’ll never forget the sight as I rounded the corner at the bottom of my street early one evening and saw the fire on the hill behind my home (I had been out river fishing with my family). Trees were exploding and shooting fireballs into the air. As much as it was mesmerizing, I realized I needed to take action before the fire got closer. But for a few seconds I couldn’t think straight – couldn’t decide what items I needed to pack for evacuation because I didn’t know how much time I had.

In that brief snippet of time I realized it was photos, my children’s projects from school, and the haphazard homemade gifts they had crafted with love that had priority. (A lot of other items could easily be replaced.) Along with those items I grabbed my computer hard drive having my book, Who Killed My Sister, My Friend, plus the big storage bins containing all the paper files relating to Cindy’s death. And cherished mementoes given to me by others were also whisked away.

Fortunately the fire never came much closer, so three or four days later all the treasures returned. I'm so grateful the fire stayed at bay, but I keep thinking about how devastating it must have been for Cindy when, during her seven years of harassment, she lost many precious items in her house-fire of April 1986. Treasures of the past really hold special memories!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Cindy James on Canada's W-5

I recently received a copy of the 1991 W-5 coverage (a weekly public affairs TV program in Canada) about my sister’s case (the mysterious death of Cindy James), and viewed the segment for the first time ever. Even after having gone through the autopsy, toxicology and medical information and having read the police and medical reports and written the book Who Killed My Sister, My Friend — thinking I had now seen and heard and read just about everything to do with my sister’s death — I was brought to tears. I was now hearing Cindy’s shaky voice in a brief snippet of her interview with the police after her October 1988 assault, and it brought all the emotions flooding back—Why couldn’t I have helped her more? I just want to hug her once more, to touch her, and to tell her I love her. Oh, I miss her so much. And she has missed so much these past eighteen years.

Thanks Diana for sharing with me the beautiful book of memories your sister overseas made for you for your recent birthday. I know you were concerned it would be difficult for me to see the book knowing my sister was deceased and your sister was alive and able to share such precious remembrances with you. Her book is beautiful and it touched my soul and made me feel good about the relationship I had with Cindy—so thank you for sharing!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

What do you, as a grieving person, need?

EXTRA DOSES OF SMALL PLEASURES: walks in nature, favorite foods, naps, etc.

GOALS AND ROUTINE: For a while, when it feels like life is meaningless, having something to look forward to – small goals (dinner with a friend, a movie, a trip, a golf game) – to help you get through the day. Activities might seem less enjoyable than they used to but that changes with time. Allow yourself to do things at your own pace. Later, when you are ready, you can work on longer-range goals.

HOPE: Those who have experienced a loss similar to yours, can offer comfort, hope, empathy and reassurance that you will get through this loss; You will have hope that the pain and grief you feel now can become less raw as time passes.

KNOWING IT’S OK TO BACKSLIDE: The grief journey is like riding on a roller coaster or walking on a spiral staircase – time and time again you go from extreme despair, sadness, emptiness, guilt, and anger into a period of feeling positive or good only to find yourself back in those negative feelings again. But this journey does not take you back to square one – you are growing emotionally and intellectually each time you revisit an emotion. It’s OK to take in grief a little bit at a time.

RELAXATION: Nourishment of your body and soul through rest, exercise and diversion.

STRESS REDUCTION: Allow yourself to be close to the people you trust so you can get help and relief from financial (and other) stresses. Even helping someone else who is suffering the same loss as you can reduce your stress.

TIME: Time (months – and sometimes years) to talk with people you trust and who will listen and not judge, and time to be alone. Time to feel and understand those exhausting feelings of loss.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Princess Diana Remembered

Last night as I sat listening to Matt Lauer’s Dateline conversation with Diana’s sons, Princes William and Harry, I was impressed with their desire to celebrate Diana’s life and energy. They want to focus on what she brought to the world—not on any image that the press has given of her.

I remember the moment I found out…wow, almost tens years ago now…about Diana’s accident and death in August 1997. My own son had only been a few weeks old when Diana died and I recall feeling shock, disbelief, horror, and sadness. It was that sudden, unexpected loss that had ripped at my heart (just like when my sister, Cindy, died eight years earlier) – it didn’t matter that I hadn’t known Diana personally because I had cherished her, as did so many people around the world.

Lauer asked Princes William and Harry if they thought they would ever see a day when they won’t wonder what happened (in the tunnel) the day their mother died. Basically their answer was, “No.” And I understand that. I know I will always wonder, just as I will always wonder what really happened to my sister, Cindy James.

Thankfully the brothers had each other to rely on to deal with Diana’s death. And I understand that too. I know I could never have dealt with Cindy’s tragedy if I hadn’t had my sister, Marlene, beside me.

Thanks, Marlene, for all your support and love!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Paris Hilton is related to Cindy’s tragedy, how?

Now I don’t know about the following…seems very confusing to me…

A PI from the east coast of Canada contacted me recently and tried to draw a parallel between my sister, Cindy James, and Paris Hilton, because they both had breast implants and had been terrorized, he said. Life was a nightmare for them, he continued, (and this is where I get lost on the concept) because they had breast implants? Paris will be out of the penitentiary soon to face her terrorist -- one Sean Penn, according to this PI. (And this PI also says Paris had implants only after a terror campaign against her was in full swing.)

Well Cindy never went to jail, but she was harassed (but not because of the breast implants that she had six months before her terror began) by an unknown perpetrator and eventually had her life extinguished after enduring 7 years of hell.

I’m sorry, I just don’t see the connection!

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Cindy…

You would have been 63 today!
Sis, I love you and I miss you!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Anniversary Forgotten

I was reading through chapter 3 (Finding Cindy’s Body) of my book, checking for an error before the formatting/layout is complete, and realized it has been eighteen years since Cindy’s death. When I glanced at the calendar I realized today is the 27^th, and she had disappeared on the 25^th of May in 1989. I was shocked to realize this is the first year since her disappearance that I have not been conscious of the date in relation to Cindy’s tragedy.

What was I doing two days ago that it had slipped my mind?

I had been fully engaged in living…had my hair cut…took my child to REP soccer practice…watched, along with my family, the spectacular fireworks that signaled the start of the yearly local festivities of May Days…and never realized Cindy had disappeared eighteen years ago.

Now it feels like those bursts of color in the air last Friday signaled a more significant event for me.

And I have tears in my eyes.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James