Taking Action During a Fire

Recently a fire raged within the community I live in, and it was nerve wracking. I’ll never forget the sight as I rounded the corner at the bottom of my street early one evening and saw the fire on the hill behind my home (I had been out river fishing with my family). Trees were exploding and shooting fireballs into the air. As much as it was mesmerizing, I realized I needed to take action before the fire got closer. But for a few seconds I couldn’t think straight – couldn’t decide what items I needed to pack for evacuation because I didn’t know how much time I had.

In that brief snippet of time I realized it was photos, my children’s projects from school, and the haphazard homemade gifts they had crafted with love that had priority. (A lot of other items could easily be replaced.) Along with those items I grabbed my computer hard drive having my book, Who Killed My Sister, My Friend, plus the big storage bins containing all the paper files relating to Cindy’s death. And cherished mementoes given to me by others were also whisked away.

Fortunately the fire never came much closer, so three or four days later all the treasures returned. I'm so grateful the fire stayed at bay, but I keep thinking about how devastating it must have been for Cindy when, during her seven years of harassment, she lost many precious items in her house-fire of April 1986. Treasures of the past really hold special memories!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Cindy James on Canada's W-5

I recently received a copy of the 1991 W-5 coverage (a weekly public affairs TV program in Canada) about my sister’s case (the mysterious death of Cindy James), and viewed the segment for the first time ever. Even after having gone through the autopsy, toxicology and medical information and having read the police and medical reports and written the book Who Killed My Sister, My Friend — thinking I had now seen and heard and read just about everything to do with my sister’s death — I was brought to tears. I was now hearing Cindy’s shaky voice in a brief snippet of her interview with the police after her October 1988 assault, and it brought all the emotions flooding back—Why couldn’t I have helped her more? I just want to hug her once more, to touch her, and to tell her I love her. Oh, I miss her so much. And she has missed so much these past eighteen years.

Thanks Diana for sharing with me the beautiful book of memories your sister overseas made for you for your recent birthday. I know you were concerned it would be difficult for me to see the book knowing my sister was deceased and your sister was alive and able to share such precious remembrances with you. Her book is beautiful and it touched my soul and made me feel good about the relationship I had with Cindy—so thank you for sharing!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Princess Diana Remembered

Last night as I sat listening to Matt Lauer’s Dateline conversation with Diana’s sons, Princes William and Harry, I was impressed with their desire to celebrate Diana’s life and energy. They want to focus on what she brought to the world—not on any image that the press has given of her.

I remember the moment I found out…wow, almost tens years ago now…about Diana’s accident and death in August 1997. My own son had only been a few weeks old when Diana died and I recall feeling shock, disbelief, horror, and sadness. It was that sudden, unexpected loss that had ripped at my heart (just like when my sister, Cindy, died eight years earlier) – it didn’t matter that I hadn’t known Diana personally because I had cherished her, as did so many people around the world.

Lauer asked Princes William and Harry if they thought they would ever see a day when they won’t wonder what happened (in the tunnel) the day their mother died. Basically their answer was, “No.” And I understand that. I know I will always wonder, just as I will always wonder what really happened to my sister, Cindy James.

Thankfully the brothers had each other to rely on to deal with Diana’s death. And I understand that too. I know I could never have dealt with Cindy’s tragedy if I hadn’t had my sister, Marlene, beside me.

Thanks, Marlene, for all your support and love!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

Treasures of Love

Going through your loved ones personal effects and keeping some of those items for yourself is an important ritual. When the time came for my family to choose which of Cindy’s items we would inherit, I hung onto the railing of Cindy’s deck and wept. All I wanted was Cindy back! I didn’t want any of her things. They wouldn’t bring her back. Possessions meant absolutely nothing to me then. I just didn’t care.

“If only I could see you alive, Cindy, and hug you just one more time. That’s all I want!” It was torturous for me to think I could replace Cindy by having her possessions.

Grief is rarely rational.

The idea wasn’t to replace Cindy; it was to cherish and remember her through her belongings. I wasn’t ready to know what I wanted but fortunately I had a family that insisted I take some things, which I eventually did, and those items became treasures. I’m so glad now that I have them.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James

To View The body Or Not

When my brother-in-law, Larry, died in a plane crash in 1973, his body was fragmented and in such a horrible state from the fire that his casket had to be closed and my sister, Marlene, never got to see him. Years later she told me how she had had such a difficult time facing the reality of his death because she never got to see his body. The only way he could be identified was by a letter from Marlene, which he had lovingly tucked in his breast pocket.

When my sister, Cindy, died, it was of utmost importance for Marlene and I to see the body—even though we knew it was decomposed. Just seeing and touching only the hand was enough to make the reality begin. It was by no means easy…

“God, it feels like I am in a dream as I walk into the viewing room. I cannot believe this is happening. I do not remember who is in the room first, but suddenly I am standing beside a table that has a white cloth over a petite body. Only the left hand is visible from below a wrist, so well wrapped and tightly bound in linen cloth that it is impossible to see any other part of her.

…

Ken [my youngest brother] is standing at the head of the body with his palms resting on the covered skull like he is blessing it.

…

Marlene is in the room somewhere and she is crying.

…

I see Roger [my middle brother] cup the hand attached to the body—I can’t yet comprehend that this is Cindy—in a gentle way and then bend down to kiss it. He says…

…

I take a deep breath and lift up the sheet. …”

Sometimes it is difficult or even impossible to see a body that is badly burned or damaged. You have to make the decision for yourself whether or not to see the body. I strongly urge you to weigh the options. You need to ask yourself, “What is the last visual image I want to have of my loved one?” It is a decision you will live with the rest of your life. Sometimes you are the one who needs to do a positive identification of the body and you have no choice of whether or not to view. As hard as it is to deal with, this too you shall survive.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James