What do you, as a grieving person, need?

EXTRA DOSES OF SMALL PLEASURES: walks in nature, favorite foods, naps, etc.

GOALS AND ROUTINE: For a while, when it feels like life is meaningless, having something to look forward to – small goals (dinner with a friend, a movie, a trip, a golf game) – to help you get through the day. Activities might seem less enjoyable than they used to but that changes with time. Allow yourself to do things at your own pace. Later, when you are ready, you can work on longer-range goals.

HOPE: Those who have experienced a loss similar to yours, can offer comfort, hope, empathy and reassurance that you will get through this loss; You will have hope that the pain and grief you feel now can become less raw as time passes.

KNOWING IT’S OK TO BACKSLIDE: The grief journey is like riding on a roller coaster or walking on a spiral staircase – time and time again you go from extreme despair, sadness, emptiness, guilt, and anger into a period of feeling positive or good only to find yourself back in those negative feelings again. But this journey does not take you back to square one – you are growing emotionally and intellectually each time you revisit an emotion. It’s OK to take in grief a little bit at a time.

RELAXATION: Nourishment of your body and soul through rest, exercise and diversion.

STRESS REDUCTION: Allow yourself to be close to the people you trust so you can get help and relief from financial (and other) stresses. Even helping someone else who is suffering the same loss as you can reduce your stress.

TIME: Time (months – and sometimes years) to talk with people you trust and who will listen and not judge, and time to be alone. Time to feel and understand those exhausting feelings of loss.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James