Special days can bring back agonizing memories.
You might be sailing through a good day (whether at work, at home, or at play) and all of a sudden get hit with a flood of emotions, or panic, because you realize you are approaching the anniversary date of your loved one's death. Or maybe his/her birthday is just around the corner. Or maybe you are dreading the holidays, fearing your heart will be gripped by sadness and your mind bombarded with agonizing memories of happier times. This is a normal response. And it can happen every year, for quite a while. This "anniversary response" can even be triggered by a sound, a smell, a sight, or a song.
But a bridge of memories can help span the distance between you and your beloved. And by recording precious memories (whether through writing letters of unspoken thoughts to your loved one, or journaling, or creating a poem or a song or a scrapbook or a photo album, or talking to someone about the person you miss) you are building a strength to sustain youself during the difficult periods. So think about what you can do for yourself to make the anniversary date easier to bear. Remember the times you laughed together so hard that you were brought to tears. Recall the fun you had. But do not feel guilty for being alive. Do not turn your back upon enjoyment. Enjoy it when you can. And grieve when it hurts.
We all do different things to help the anniversary pass. It's going to be tough. You can't help it. Get as much rest as you can and take one hour at a time. Try to do things with the people who recharge you and comfort you, or talk to people who can relate to what you are experiencing. Try to stick to your regular routine and get some exercise or fresh air if you can. Do something creative. And remember the strategies that helped you in the past when you were challenged.
What does it feel like to have to experience a special date without your loved one? I know there is alot you want to say. And I know it feels inadequate to not be able to talk to your loved one in person. Hold on to those precious memories you have. They are a gift that can never be taken away because they are carefully tucked into the recesses of your heart.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend -
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James
But a bridge of memories can help span the distance between you and your beloved. And by recording precious memories (whether through writing letters of unspoken thoughts to your loved one, or journaling, or creating a poem or a song or a scrapbook or a photo album, or talking to someone about the person you miss) you are building a strength to sustain youself during the difficult periods. So think about what you can do for yourself to make the anniversary date easier to bear. Remember the times you laughed together so hard that you were brought to tears. Recall the fun you had. But do not feel guilty for being alive. Do not turn your back upon enjoyment. Enjoy it when you can. And grieve when it hurts.
We all do different things to help the anniversary pass. It's going to be tough. You can't help it. Get as much rest as you can and take one hour at a time. Try to do things with the people who recharge you and comfort you, or talk to people who can relate to what you are experiencing. Try to stick to your regular routine and get some exercise or fresh air if you can. Do something creative. And remember the strategies that helped you in the past when you were challenged.
What does it feel like to have to experience a special date without your loved one? I know there is alot you want to say. And I know it feels inadequate to not be able to talk to your loved one in person. Hold on to those precious memories you have. They are a gift that can never be taken away because they are carefully tucked into the recesses of your heart.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend -
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James
Labels: Cindy James, death, healing
posted by Melanie Hack at 11:37 AM
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